Someone asked today "If you could use ONE word to describe YOUR experience of new motherhood and community what would it be?"...This was a difficult one for me. I have been in so many places at different times starting as a new mother and advancing to a mother of now six. Oh the stories I could tell, write, and express. I can't pick just one word. A new mother is full of anxiety, worry, overwhelmed, stressed, fearful, lonely, and feels isolated. Despite sleepless nights and the huge adjustment becoming a mother presents, most mothers are full of joy. Then they come home and look at their new child with great anticipation to only find reality hits. Not only are they battling the bounce back from birth they must meet the high demands of an infant with no return. A baby does not give anything in the beginning. Generally speaking, birth brings on a roller coaster of emotions. Joy and love foremost. This creature you've created, this life, is now here and LIFE is now beginning! Society has placed expectations about parenting and mothering in general. Expectations can run high and certainly stress any new mother out!
Support and community is so important. Whether it's ones first or 6th, they need people and help. Whether that is family, friends, locally, or even online! I can not tell you how isolated, and lonely I felt after my sixth. People think because one has so many you no longer need support. It was quite the opposite for me. I felt forgotten. Like no one cared about me enough to come visit at my home and help. I NEEDED more help. With each one I have silently become more desperate. There are times when I wish someone would have brought me a meal. Not planned it out. Just took it upon themselves to say this is what is happening and I'm coming like it or not...An "I will not be visiting your house, so if it looks like a bomb exploded in your house that's ok!" There are very few people I trust to see my house in total disarray! Looking back I think I had more help the less children I had. This really has been a struggle for me when a new life has entered our home. I often feel as though everyone around me is too busy to help. And when I've spoken with family etc. they want to know exactly what I need help with. Well duh! Everything! Life! (laundry, dishes, cleaning, EVERYTHING...) Sometimes it just an ear to listen. One with no judgement! I feel out of my comfort zone asking for help. Sometimes I feel as though my life goes to complete CRAP and there is no one who really understands that. If I were to break down and share all my thoughts and feelings I would be ridiculed or told it is all in my head. OR that famous ignorant phrase would be spoken..."well you made your bed and now lay in it" I can tell you I have become numb over the years. I sort of exist in my own little world. Perhaps that is my way of dealing with the daily stress of raising so many children. I do find having children and family rewarding, yet it can be so hard as a mom. There are times when I feel so isolated and unappreciated.
I used to be a part of a church family growing up. I have longed and searched for what once was and what I once had to find that it no longer exists. Everywhere I have been I feel a complete disconnect with others and the people around me. They really have no interest of getting to know me. So I get in to these patterns of going for a while, and then I just stop going. It's not that I do not feel the presence of God, it's that I feel out of place. I can't connect on a personal level. I do not have the same beliefs as my spouse, so when I am in church I am not a united front with my husband. He does not nor will he attend. So I feel like the single mother. The outcast, the odd ball out. So while I long for that church community with strong relationships our family had growing up - It simply no longer exists. At times I feel like where I should be serving is in various ministries and even that is a long process. To get involved you must become a member, make many commitments, I don't even want to go into great detail at the moment. Right now my commitments are God and my family. I simply don't think one must go to church to connect with God. Prayer is a powerful thing. I am still connected to churches through friends and family and am currently serving under the radar! lol I am currently sewing menstrual pads for a friend who is going on a missions trip to Nicaragua this summer. Point being that there are ways to serve without being in the forefront!
Then there is the online community. I have found several groups online that I have really connected with. None of them faith based. Online internet groups are quite a fun experience. I have found them helpful, informative, fun, and hurtful on a few occasions. It is really hard the larger a group becomes to really connect on a more personal level. Overtime interests change and people come and go. I don't discount internet relationships as real relationships. There really are real people on the other side of the computer screen. When I say hurtful, I have shared my personal experiences or events with a select few to have them run off with my words and change them or take them out of context and share them where they do not need to be shared or changed them in a negative manner. This can be a big issue. My intention is never to hurt someone by the words I type or that come out of my mouth. Also, I know it is hard to be seen online. I have learned in groups you really have to be active to be noticed or seen or recognized. While I am not looking for some sort of recognition or grandeur, it's nice sometimes to be in the forefront. For someone to notice I exist, where in my real life I feel left behind and unnoticed. While I do not need some sort of validation, It is nice to be noticed. Especially if you are passionate about like interests. I sort of feel like camouflage in real life. It's hard to connect with people who do not have six children. That is not to say I am not able to connect in real life. I do! I am a hybrid for sure! A type A and B personality! Oh the things I have learned over the years! Many coping skills for sure! I used to have many real life friends. MANY! Many now exist simply online. Some have completely disappeared with no way to contact. I have a few VERY close friends who I feel I can share everything with. They are few far and between though. Everyone always moves away. Even my own family. I feel this complete disconnect even with family at times. It's quite sad. I am actually closer to some of my online friends than my real life friends and family. Lately I have been struggling with the fact that I don't even have many online friends or close friends as I once did. My issues are what they are. I just wanted to share my feelings and experience briefly. There is nothing overly exuberant about my online community experience, it is what it is! I personally enjoy a few select cloth diapering groups with other moms. Perhaps that is because I am able to connect with many of these moms. I think finding groups free of judgement do not exist. I try to carry myself with professionalism when I connect on these boards, yet try to share my personal experience. At times lots of negative drama explode in groups(of which I pray I am NEVER the cause), other times lots of fun filled drama!
The bottom line is that motherhood, whether a new mother, seasoned, or veteran mother, is challenging and rewarding. It doesn't happen right away. There is no instant gratification. I do however feel blessed beyond measure. I am thankful for my children and thankful that I am able to call myself a mother. Many women would give anything to have what I have! However, hold on to your seats! It's a roller coaster!!!!!!!!!! YES, that one word to describe new motherhood and community- "ROLLERCOASTER" - It constantly changes, has ups and downs, pros and cons!
Also I'm certain my writing is full of grammatical errors. Time is never on my side!
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
Thursday, February 4, 2016
A is for AppleCheeks...
There is something beautiful about fresh fluff hanging on the line(or in my case rack) in the spring and summer air. After drying my beautiful soft baby fluff laundry, I bring it in doors, bury my head in the fluff(You'd think it would be gross, but it SOOO isn't!)and take a deep breath in. The smell of what once was defecated in by an infant is suddenly Oh so wonderful, and smells oh so fresh! It's like heaven in the moment and to be honest, as weird as it sounds, has such a calming effect. I have these same feelings when drying bath towels and linens, so perhaps the magic doesn't only happen with my cloth diapers but there is something magical and quite wonderful about cloth diapering.
I like to think of cloth diapering as a journey...It has been almost 4 years since that first modern cloth diaper hit a babies bum in this house. I had always been quite repulsed by the idea of cloth diapers until my 5th son was born with allergies. After the birth of my second child in 2004, I had this genius idea to purchase a few dozen prefolds, diaper pins, and what we all know as "grandma's bubble covers." At the time I thought I was going to save big. At first I thought "this isn't so bad," I quickly discovered quite the opposite and was repulsed with the only cleaning measures I knew..."dunk and squish." Playing in the toilet just wasn't my thing. I tried to love the idea of cloth diapering. I tried to love cloth diapering in general. I tried SOOO hard. It was evident I could not stick with something I hated so much. So, with that said, I gave up. It had only been two weeks. Cloth diapering the "old school way," was another failed attempt at saving money, saving the environment, and trying to live up to my mother. After all, she had cloth diapered with prefolds, why couldn't I? I have always valued my mother's advice and opinions. My mom has always had a certain way of doing things and in my eyes has always been the model of perfection. While she did not cloth diaper 100% of the time to my knowledge, she did cloth diaper. I have a twin sister and with two in diapers at once I'm sure it saved her money and was helpful. There still is some sort of nostalgia to cloth diapering with prefolds, personally they just were not for me
Fast forward to February 2012...With the birth of my fifth child I noticed very quickly something was wrong. He was breaking out in rashes any place a disposable diaper was placed. The doctor suggested we tape a diaper to his back to see if it was in fact the disposable diaper we had been using. Sure enough it was. I bought several different brands of disposable diapers and every one of them gave him rashes. I had discovered 2 brands that did not give him rashes but they were the organic diapers or diapers free of chemicals. Not only were they free of chemicals, but they came with a high price tag to go with them. At the time my fourth child was still in disposables as well and was not potty trained. I was not wanting to spend $120 a month on disposable diapers including the cost of disposable wipes. I quickly began researching and I was given a large handful of miscellaneous cloth diapers from a friend locally. I can remember how clueless I was. I had no idea how to wash them or how to clean them when soiled. They looked so different from the prefolds and bubble covers I knew. I immediately started researching cloth diapers online. To my discovery, I discovered cloth diapering had changed SO much! There was suddenly this whole world of cloth diapering! I discovered many various brands of cloth diapers, as well as this whole world of cloth diaper boards, groups, and buy/sell/trade boards on Facebook of all places! I was in diaper heaven. I can remember being enrolled in college classes at the time. I had just given birth and was in college! As I was sitting in class I was quite distracted by these new fangled fluff! I was determined to cloth diaper and to make a go of it this time around. As my laptop was open in class(as was everyone else's)...there I was sitting in class googling cloth diaper brands and visiting cloth diaper stores.(Tisk,Tisk) I couldn't focus. I was blown away with all the options. So many brands, types, and lingo I had no clue! As I sat in class trying to figure out what I could purchase with the budget I had been given. My husband was never on board from day one. He was used to disposables. I can remember explaining the cost and all he saw was the bottom dollar. In his mind it was going to save us money so he heard me out. He did agree to allow me to spend the money as long as 1.I changed every diaper, and 2. He didn't have to clean them once soiled or do dirty diaper laundry.(not that he did any laundry anyway) I decided it was worth it and said "Done." By the time my baby was a month old I had a stash of primarily Fuzzy Bunz cloth diapers(which were given to me)other miscellaneous diapers, as well as an entire stash of Sunbaby cloth diapers.(aka "China cheapies") I was not impressed with what I had and was encountering leaks. They just didn't live up to the expectations I had from these modern cloth diapers. I b ought a large selection of other brands and just wasn't impressed. I joined several cloth diaper groups and it was in one of those groups I met the owner of The Baby Bum, a cloth diaper store out of Washington State. She had recommended Applecheeks. While The Baby Bum was not the first store I purchased Applecheeks from, I did buy a good handful of Applecheeks from TBB to help start my stash. The owner of TBB introduced me to an online Facebook group "Applecheeks Anonymous." At the time it was the only Applecheeks fan based group that I knew of at the time. It was essentially the "it" place to be if you were an Applecheeks fan. There were so many encouraging moms! I was welcomed among the rest and found it to be my fun zone. I was able to share my thoughts, concerns, ask questions, and seek advice from other Applecheeks users! So in March 2012 the fun began! I didn't realize my colorful Applecheeks would become so loved! With every new diaper addition I fell more in love. Oh the beautiful ruffles! For me, the love started with the function of Applcheeks. The four elastics on all four sides prevent leaks and wicking does not occur! I absolutely LOVE Applecheeks 2 and 3 ply bamboo inserts. They are soft, luxurious, and super absorbent! Applecheeks inserts were just what I needed! I slowly began destashing and selling off my other brands. Overtime all that remains is Applcheeks! I did at one point have quite a few of another brand; Ann Marie Padorie size XLG diapers because my fourth child had outgrown size 2 Applecheeks. I was not impressed with the pocket placement and at one point asked Ilana to please make a size 3 diaper. I sent her photo comparison shots. While the outside cover between the brands were similar, there is just no comparison. Applecheeks ranks #1 in function,(with a variance in pocket placement as Applecheeks has an envelope style pocket which agitates out in the wash vs. AMP where you have to stick your hands in the nitty gritty pee to un-stuff before washing! Eww!)quality, and style! She said she had never thought of making a size 3 diaper! I was quite ecstatic when they announced size 3's on the way! After he was potty trained, Applecheeks released size 3s! So while we did not get to enjoy them and use them with my fourth child because they did not exist, I was able to get use out of them before my 5th child potty trained! And then there is of course the addition of Applecheeks Trainers! We now use trainers as well!
Visit: http://www.thebabybum.com/Default.asp
My stash of cloth diapers has certainly evolved over the last 4 years. With so many releases, I have slowly added to my stash. One here, one there when a sale arises. For me, having a large stash was necessity. I absolutely hate and despise laundry in general. With a household of 8 people I find it necessity to have a large stash. I don't always get to laundry when I want to. I try to get to it as soon as I can because let's be honest. No one wants a house that reeks of smelly poo diapers sitting around or smelling up the dirty diaper pail! When I found out I was pregnant with our 6th child I began to buy more cloth diapers and have successfully been using Applecheeks from birth with my youngest! One thing is for sure...Applecheeks have a GREAT fit that fit babies of ALL shapes and sizes. Not only do they carry cloth diapers, but there is an entire collection of cloth diapering accessories available to aid in cloth diapering! It all adds up and comes together overtime to create a beautiful collection. While I don't do an entire stash shot of all my Applecheeks stuff(let's face it who has time to gather everything up??!... I sure don't with 6 kids!!! You're lucky enough to see my covers) I do take the time once or twice a year to do a rainbow shot of all my Applecheeks cloth diaper covers in rainbow shape to see all the beautiful fluff come together! Then there is of course my Wrapplecheeks Pomacious Tula/ A Lil Tulips exclusive made for Lil Tulips,(shew..I think I typed that right, but I could be wrong) where only 12-16? exist to my knowledge; something like that. Tula is a whole other topic in itself. Because of the Wrapplecheeks for Applecheeks Print by Natibaby- It is total LOVE and has made my recent rainbow shots!
And BECAUSE I love Applecheeks SO much, I will have to blog about the community that currently surrounds Applecheeks in a facebook group Peace.Love.Applecheeks., as well as talk about where to buy. There are LOTS of creative places and ways to acquire Applecheeks to fit your budget! I will discuss all these issues in up and coming blog posts! Be sure to follow my blog and check back!
Friday, July 5, 2013
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